DALLIANCE DIARY: Don’t hold back tears to show you are strong

By: CIKU KIMANI

It is natural to be afraid to show any weakness. Basic human instinct dictates that we portray ourselves as the strongest person around. Who can blame us when all we hear is “Only the strong survive!” We all want to survive.

Unfortunately, that is the very reason we fall and fail. As confused and as confusing as this might sound, showing weakness can be a source of strength.

Weakness is like a tear burning the inside of an eye. For the eye to get relief, the tear has to be released.

Remember when you were little your mother would tell you that you don’t look pretty when you are cry? Well, I now know that is what made us afraid of weakness because, crying, whether for joy or sadness, is a physical display of weakness.

When you are repeatedly told that you don’t look pretty when you cry, you subconsciously suppress your weak side because we all want to look good all the time.

When you are forced to show weakness, you usually run to a place where there are no people to cry because you do not want to look ugly. So why do I think weakness is a source of strength? Well, because, after crying, you feel so much better and are able to look at your problems clearly.

BURNS OUR INSIDE LIKE HOT CHARCOAL

Weakness, which affects the best of us at the worst of times, burns our insides like hot coal and needs to be released. So, to be at your best, let your weakness come out for the world to see.

Let’s just say displaying weakness is similar to hitting rock bottom.

There is only one way – up! When you display your weakness, you conquer your fear since nothing worse can happen at that point, and only then can you think straight about how to get out of the situation that was making you afraid.

The fear of showing weakness is best seen when a friend needs help. For instance, when a friend who is going through a rough patch approaches you and tells you how bad they feel about stuff, how can you help (or not) that friend?

Well, they way not to help is to say, “And here I was, thinking you were the strongest of us.” That friend probably knows everybody expects them to be strong, so the fact that they came to you displaying weakness must have taken a lot of guts and strength. Telling them about their perceived strength only makes them feel worse.

To help, do not judge; listen, and hear; sometimes we listen but do not hear a thing. If the friend cries, do not tell them not to cry; crying is good for the soul.

Give them a loving rub on the back, try to keep your mouth shut and offer her some tissue to wipe away the tears.

If you can, cry with them, it would make them feel so much better. When they are done with crying, take a deep breath. Tell them about the time you were in despair, when you had no one to turn to, when you felt like a failure because things just were not working out.

Do not tell them to be strong; tell them to be patient as they look for strength within. Tell them to search their soul, that they should think deep about the situation and look for the silver lining – there is always a silver lining, you know.

Let your friend know that it is okay to be weak and to cry because when you accept a situation, you sober up and find a way to deal with it.

Our men are frequently told not to cry. Well, I think men are human too and should cry. The reason most of our men cannot deal with tough issues is that they never get to the bottom of their weak point.

The answers to most problems lie at the bottom of the dirty pit in your heart, where weakness is at its greatest.

Men should allow themselves to cry, they should learn to find that friend who they can cry to, the one they can download issues to because when all is said and done, we all need someone to lean on, someone whose shoulders we can wet with our tears.

Come on, have a good cry!

SOURCE: DAILY NATION