This is how you know you’ve found ‘the one’


Everyone wonders if they’ll know when they’ve found “the one.” You will. You’ll definitely know when “this is it”. So never settle for anything less.

Some of the signs are completely practical. Like you’ll communicate well. No mysterious silences. You’ll say “I love you” lots. You’ll tell each other what makes you feel loved.

You’ll discuss difficult issues instead of ignoring them — or fighting. You’ll say what you want. You won’t sweat the small stuff. You’ll start talking about your next steps together, instead of whether or not to take them.

You’ll treat each other with respect. No name-calling, eye-rolling, or talking negatively about each other to friends or family. No abuse. Or threatening to leave the relationship. You’ll respect each other’s secrets. There’s honesty and trust. And your time together’s focussed on each other. Like talking about your day over dinner, instead of texting your friends.

You’ll focus on the positive. It’s all too easy to get on each other’s nerves, but you make a point of looking for the good in each other.


You’ll enjoy your own independence. And know that independent doesn’t mean distant. Because people who say they’re independent often really mean they’re stubborn, selfish and afraid of intimacy. So if a date says they can’t make time for you, let them go.

Because no matter how independent you are, you have to be emotionally open and available in love. So it’s OK to want time alone. Or to spend time with other people. So long as that’s matched by the time you spend together. And with mutual friends.

So let your partner be themselves and do their own thing — because being happy about spending time apart also shows that you’re both secure in the relationship. Neither of you constantly worrying what the other’s up to

There are also some things that will happen with “the one” that you won’t expect — like there’ll still be moments of doubt. But you won’t feel obsessed with “love” anymore, because obsessing about love really means you know you don’t have it. Once you know you really do, it stops being an obsession. And so most of your doubts will come from having no idea what love’s really like.

So what does it feel like? Well, it’s much more about feeling at peace than being “swept away.” There’ll be many moments of passion of course. But that’s not love.

You know that “this is it” when you realise you care just as much about your partner as you do about yourself and your family. Alongside all that hot sexy passion is a depth of caring, trust and openness that until then, you’ve only experienced with your own flesh and blood.

And as you realise that, everything will start to feel completely unreal. From the fear of “does my partner love me?” to “OMG, this is it!” So then you know. And life will never be the same again