By: SIMON MBURU
Communication may be the most talked about deal-breakers in relationships. However, there are some sneaky things that can lead to the beginning of the end of your relationship. Beware of these six:
Laziness: Whether it is is in your personal life or in your relationship, laziness does not bode well for your union.
According to Susan Gacheru, a family therapist based in Nakuru, “No one, especially women, wants to be hitched to a lazy partner.
Being active in the right way is usually an indication that your life together will be productive. But when all you do is sink in the couch, or leave your relationship to run itself, it will soon come to an end” she says.
Barton Goldsmith, an author and relationship coach concurs, adding that all good relationships require work.
“You may start by talking about the kind of work your relationship needs,” he advises.
Resentment: According to Meghann Novinskie, a relationship coach and match-maker, resentment is the sneakiest of all breakup triggers because it can build up over a long time without notice.
“It starts small, where one partner is annoyed by something minor such as mannerisms or tone,” she says, adding: “I hear clients say that they hate it when he or she does ABC, but when I ask them if they ever told them to try and change, the answer is usually no!”
Novinskie further cautions that sweeping your seemingly little pet peeves under the carpet eventually leads to the formation of a mountain you can’t get over.
“When you let small annoyances get swept under the rug, you’ll soon be resenting every little thing your partner does or says and your intimacy will start to disintegrate setting you on an irredeemable fall-out path.”
Pride: According to Debra Fileta in her book, True Love Dates, pride often makes it impossible to reach out to a spouse when you are in the wrong.
“Pride kills a couple’s ability to be aware enough to recognise and restore each of their individual flaws and shortcomings before fixating on those of their partners,” she writes. “It then becomes much easier to point a finger and to shift the blame.”
Fileta cautions that the moment you replace your responsibility with pride, you’ll have let go of your relationship.
Lack of me time: According to Terri Orbuch, the author of Secrets From The Love Doctor, in a study on critical patterns in marriage and divorce, romance and relationships from 1986 to 2013, people who don’t have time alone, away from their partners, end up being unhappy in their relationships, and set the stage for a split.
“Among unhappy couples, more people point to a lack of privacy or time for themselves as the reason for their unhappiness than they do to their sex lives,” she says.
“Those who have remained together for lengthy periods and enjoyed happier relationships say that giving each other plenty of me time is the single most important reason they think their unions are surviving.”
Children: According to Dr Barton, you shouldn’t let your kids to be the only focus of your relationship, especially in cases where one partner is not as enthusiastic about children as the other.
“To some, children are bipedal germ carriers while to others, they are the reason for living. Make sure you keep things in balance with your partner to avoid making your kids the entire focus of your relationship,” he says.
Being stuck in the past: Over time, you are bound to witness your partner change. According to Gacheru, remaining fixated on the particular traits and attitudes that first attracted you to your partner may signal the end of your relationship.
“If you are stuck in the past, you will resent your spouse for changing. And since you may not know all about him or her, you may get turned off once you start discovering things you previously didn’t know,” she says, adding that you should be aware that
change in your partner is inevitable as his or her individuality evolves.
“Learn to accept what is acceptable rather than remaining stuck in the past,” she says.
SOURCE: DAILY NATION