My girl refuses to own up to her mistakes

By: MAURICE MATHEKA

I am 22 and my girlfriend is 19. We have been together for just over seven months now and we plan to get married in six years. I am a second-year university student while my girlfriend will join university next year.

Our relationship is fine, except for the fact that my girlfriend never owns up to her mistakes and never apologises for them. Whenever we disagree, she blames me for everything and does not take responsibility for what she did wrong.

I am hot-tempered and I feel very hurt when she refuses to acknowledge her mistakes. I am worried about our future and whether we will make it together. Please advise me.

READERS’ ADVICE

Having been in a relationship with your girlfriend for only seven months, it is too early to be planning for marriage. That is too short a period to assess her personality and character.

Remember she is just a teenager who still has a long way to go before she begins to understand the meaning of a true relationship or even marriage. This is not the time to spend a lot of time thinking about marriage. For now, encourage each other to build yourselves and value education. As time goes by, you will know her strengths and weaknesses and this will help you make a choice to stay or leave. Juma Felix

This is a minor issue but it could become a big problem. Accepting that you have made a mistake and trying to work things out with your partner is the key to any healthy relationship.

We all make mistakes and one partner shouldn’t expect the other to always take the blame for everything that goes wrong. Seek the intervention of a counsellor to help you tackle this issue, because if left unresolved, it may leave you frustrated and full of regret and may make you lose faith in relationships.

Try to resolve it because if you don’t, there will come a time when you can’t put up with that behaviour any more and by the time you reach that point, you will be a damaged man. All the best! Calvin Queens

These kinds of traits do not change easily. The purpose of dating is to assess your partner so that you can figure out if she is a good match for you based on various parameters.

Your girlfriend’s behaviour is not good for a healthy relationship and this is a sign that you are in a relationship with the wrong person. If she doesn’t change, it may disturb you to the point of affecting your studies. Focus on your studies and obey your instincts. John Victor

EXPERT ADVICE

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

You are still young and you have a lot to learn on understanding women, so your plans to get married to your girlfriend in six years are premature. Neither of you is ready to commit to marriage at your age.

You should be thinking about completing university first. Ride the wave of young love without taking your focus away from your studies.

And a word of advice: A forced apology is not a real apology. If you have to dig it out of someone, you need to ask yourself if that person even realises that she hurt you and whether she cares about your feelings at all.

NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

I am 28 and I have been married for one year. My problem is that my husband likes to check out other women. He stares at the behind of every woman who passes by even when he is with me.

It is so irritating! I have asked him to stop doing that but he hasn’t stopped. It makes me wonder if this is a sign that he will cheat on me.

Shouldn’t he have stopped ogling other women after we got married? Does it mean that he is not satisfied with me and is looking for other women out there?

I do my best to keep myself attractive for him, so it breaks my heart to see him lusting after other women. It even gets me off the mood for intimacy. I can’t put up with this. How can I make him stop? What should I do?

SOURCE: DAILY NATION