AUNT TRUPHENA: I want to revenge-cheat on my husband


Q: I am very serious about my marriage but my husband isn’t. He has been cheating on me, and his last affair left me very mad. I have this urge to revenge by cheating on him with another man.

I don’t want a relationship with the other man, I just want my husband to feel what I felt.

However, I love my husband and I am afraid of giving in to my thoughts. I feel so tempted. I feel used after being faithful for many years. What should I do? Please advise.

A: After you discovered that your husband has cheated on you, feelings of revenge filled your mind. What you are feeling is okay, but what is important is how to handle those feelings. Presently, you have an urge to make your husband feel the hurt you are feeling but the hard truth is, revenge will still not make you feel any better or lessen your hurt.

The fact that you feel used should not permit you to use someone else. You say that you still have hope that your marriage can be saved.

No marriage can be saved through revenge. While I am not suggesting that your husband’s affair is acceptable, it is unwise to think that your marriage can survive two affairs.

The first one has already wounded it; what will the second one do, do you think? Nurturing the thoughts of cheating on your husband could seem like a great idea to you, but you should also

consider whether you will be able to handle the aftermath. Additionally, it is better not to lower yourself to the behaviour of the person who caused you so much pain, however tempting it may be.


It is clear that there is a communication problem in your relationship. Refusing to address the fallout from the affair – the resentment you feel, and your desire to revenge – can only worsen the problem. You therefore need to openly communicate with your husband and let him know your feelings.

Often, infidelity is an indicator of many problems in your marriage which should be solved. Your husband, at this point, should make it clear if he is ready to abandon his behaviour and make the marriage work.

If he isn’t remorseful, do reconsider staying in this marriage. All the best as you make your decisions.