There are good, bad and downright ugly names

By: Rebecca Muthoni

There are things Pudd’ng shares, which me go, “What?” Others make me go, “Whatever”. This one made me go, “Say what?”

“I said my desk mate likes calling me, ‘msupa’,” she repeated, as we walked home from school.

Msupa is Sheng’ for cutie. And that’s what got me thinking. Deeply thinking. Thinking about names — good, bad and downright ugly — which boys call girls. This is this dad’s instructions to how boys on how they should/shouldn’t call his daughter

SHE’S A BLESSING

My daughter’s a breathing blessing. That’s how I’ve raised her. I’ve been pronouncing blessings upon her life since she was in her mother’s womb. I don’t care if you’re a hip-hop head, and spitting the b-word is comes with the territory.

Bow-wow. My daughter’s not a female dog. Nuff said.

HER MIDDLE NAME IS CROWN

How, pray, do I know? Because of the middle name we gave her. Which means, crown. And a crown means just that. Crown.

When we christened her crown we prophesied that she would not, under any circumstances, become anything less. And when, at exactly one-year-old, our Pastor dedicated and poured anointing oil on her head, as she bawled her little lungs out, our prior pronouncement was signed and sealed in heaven.

SHE’S NOT GARBAGE, BUT A GRACIOUS GIFT FROM GOD

Again, let’s go into names. In case she hasn’t enlightened you, her first name means, “gracious gift from God”. That’s what she was, and still is, to us, and everyone who’s been touched by this blessing.

And, again, when our Pastor performed the dedication ceremony, heaven granted the petition we had made on earth. Which means? Nobody can change this girl’s name. Or, like we Pentecostals like declaring; no weapon fashioned against her shall prosper.

SHE’S A CHILD OF THE MOST HIGH GOD, NOT A CHIPS FUNGA

Dudes use that term to refer to cheap chicks. Chicks they can buy, with pocket change, and takeaway like French fries.

Psalm 127: 3 – “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord”. And God’s not a cheapskate. Check out His “giving” history. Like how He gave His only begotten Son. Long lecture short? My daughter’s priceless. Besides, she’s a three-dimensional being; not a mere sex object.

SHE’S A HOLY GRAIL, NOT A HO

I get it, sonny. Y’all young cats love to throw “cool” handles around. But don’t ever use that two-letter word when referring to my daughter any woman. Not unless you want me to see me lose my religion. Which may make me not to enter heaven.

Um, that’s all I’ll say about that.

SHE’S FAVOUR PERSONIFIED, NOT A FREAK SHOW

Ever since God brought this baby girl into my life, I’ve been inundated by favours. Sure, we’ve had downs. There have been challenges. But all these have made me realise favour’s waiting around the corner.

A word of advice, boy. If you treat my daughter with kind gloves, you will unlock the endless favours God packaged inside her when she sent her to earth via the birth canal.

SHE’S A BRIGHT SPARK, NOT A BIMBO

I knew she was a bright spark the first day I took her to school. She took hold of the right hand of the head teacher as they marched to her class. Even when I signaled her to look back so I could capture the moment on film, she didn’t.

I cherish that photo. Her back’s turned to me. Blinkers trained toward the bright brave future.

SHE’S A SISTER, NOT A SLUT

My child has a giving spirit. Now, son, don’t mistake it for being an easy prey. I’ve taught her that there’s stuff that shouldn’t be given, but must be earned.

Maya Angelou said, “I don’t believe the accident of birth makes people sisters or brothers. It makes them siblings. Gives them mutuality of parentage. Sisterhood and brotherhood is a condition people have to work at.” Tell you what, boy? If you work at it and walk with my child, you’ll earn a real sister.

SHE’S A LIBERATED BLACK WOMAN, NOT AN ANGRY BLACK WOMAN

From age six, I’ve taught my daughter to think for herself. Taught her that nobody should ever control her mind. Because? It’s prime property. Which is worth gazillions.

Son, don’t mistake this freedom of thought with stubbornness.

A woman who can think for herself, like the Biblical Abigail, is a woman who can think her family out of certain catastrophe.